The Pause Button

Baby girl is almost 11 months and my maternity leave is coming to an end. In January I am returning to work and I am so not ready!

With toddler girl I was off work for 14 months and felt ready to go back when the time came, but this time I feel very different. I feel like my maternity leave has flown by and that I haven’t had enough time with baby girl, nor have I done half as much with her as I did with toddler girl and I feel a sense of guilt for this.

It’s as if I want to find the pause button and just enjoy the moment for a little while longer. I may not be getting sleep and baby girl may be teething badly but it doesn’t matter at the minute. I want to have just that little bit longer, not only with baby girl, but with both my girls.

Baby girl has just started crawling (and bum shuffling… bizarre combinations at times!) and she’s developing a real mischievous little streak. She has that glint in her eye and certainly already knows how to stamp her authority! However at the same time she is so loving and her little face lights up every time she sees me and her daddy, she flashes us a big gummy smile and our hearts instantly melt. Toddler Girl has also got used to having me around and I think it’s going to be strange for her for mummy to suddenly not be here every day again, although I am sure she will adapt quickly.

Although their are days where I can’t wait till bedtime and long to get out on my own for a short while, I have actually enjoyed being a stay at home mum. I think because I have established my own small part time business too I have felt the benefit of doing something for me and my family and it being a type of “work” but I’ve also had the added benefit of being at home too. I couldn’t however give up work in favour of this as the current economy isn’t stable enough and I like the security of being employed by an organisation and  having a regular pay check. I do also like going to work and having that “me” as someone other than mummy time. So it’s not that I don’t want to go back to work, I just want to find the pause button and enjoy a little more time at home with my girls.

Has anyone seen it?

Comments

  1. I can completely understand what you mean – I am also going back to work in January when my little one will be 10 months old, and I have really mixed feelings about it. I hadn’t thought of it that way, but think your pause button is a great description – or just a few more months at home… I hope you enjoy your last few weeks of maternity leave!

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